01.20.04

“I just have this secret hope, sometimes all we do is call…somewhere on the steepest slope there’s an endless rope, and nobody’s crying” --Patty Griffin

Another week has begun in St. Louis…I was informed this weekend that some people expect this site to be updated, so I’d better get cracking on journal entries so as not to disappoint (this one’s for you, Jaime! :) )

I am feeling a bit yuppie-esque today. After being in the house all day, I needed to get out and to get up north before traffic becomes even more horrible than normal, so I am sitting in St. Louis Bread Company, sipping a caramel latte (nonfat, no whip, of course) and typing on a borrowed laptop. How trendy am I? If only I was at a Starbucks and this was somewhere a little hipper than North County…

I am a thinker. I think and I think and I over-analyze and beat things to death in my head. It’s what I do. But when it comes down to it, after all of that mental sparring is done, I tend to go with my gut. How something makes me feel can make or break a situation for me. Case in point: I decided to take a short trip to Nashville this weekend. (For those of you who I saw – it was lovely; for those I missed – I apologize. I’ll have to catch you the next time.)

One of the things I noticed as I was driving into the city was the way it made me feel. I remember that day over 5 years ago when I moved there. It was sunny and bright, the city was spread out over the curve in I-65 ripe with promise and expectation and the Bell-South “Bat Building” waving hello. It felt right for me to be there, even though I wasn’t sure of the path things would take.

Driving in this weekend, I kind of wondered how I would feel, almost a month after making a huge change in my life and moving back to St. Louis. Would I feel regret? Sadness? Like I made a mistake? As I made that I-65 loop again, I felt none of those things. I was happy that I would be seeing people that mean so much to me. I knew that good times were to be had (and they were…). And I was completely at peace with my decision to leave when I did.

I don’t know what’s in store for me here in St. Louis. But I am utterly convinced that as difficult as it was to make that choice, it was the right thing. I realize that the plan set for me is greater than I could ever devise on my own. This step of faith is not unlike my decision to move to Nashville in the first place – and I don’t regret a minute of my time there. Music City, USA and the people who I love there will always have a special place in my heart.

Until next time.