01.27.04

“So many things we never will undo, I know you’re sorry, well I’m sorry too... Some people will offer you their hand and some won’t, last night I knew you tonight I don’t, I need something strong to distract my mind, I’m gonna look at you ‘till my eyes go blind” --Bob Dylan

I am about 49% shy. I know, it may be hard to believe, but this is a fact about me. I have spent a lot of time in my life cultivating the more extroverted side of my personality, but there is always a big part of me that would much rather be in the corner than in the spotlight.

Probably the only exception to that would be when I am literally in the spotlight – there is something about being a performer that is instinctual to me. I love it, I thrive on it, I can’t get enough of it. And I have been without a platform (albeit my own fault) for way too long.

Part of this whole life change for me is to figure out where this whole performer side of me fits into what I want from my life overall. I’m not sure if I am cut out to live as a “starving artist.” I have much too strong a desire for security. But I am trying not to let being safe get in the way of what I truly desire – as someone once told me “what makes my heart sing.” (Appropriate, no?)

So I am searching for another starting point - a place where I can develop myself as an artist and grow musically. I may need to live my life in a little less “traditional” way for a while until I figure that out. I’m trying to be ok with that. I’m listening for the voice that has never led me astray...and praying that it will whisper a little louder sometime soon.

I wish for you to live the life that makes your heart sing. I hope we get there sooner than later.