"When I get back I will dream in Barnes and Noble's, oh leave me here oh leave me where angels fear to tread" --Rufus Wainwright
I fear I'm getting old and responsible.
Now, granted, I am typically the one who is the goody-two-shoes rule-follower. Overall, I would say I am dependable. But I occasionally have those moments when I get a little crazy, color outside the lines, act irresponsibly. My problem is that I keep doing things that make it more difficult to do those kind of things on a regular basis.
The house, for example. I LOVE my house. It is the cutest place ever, it's cozy and warm and very me. It occupies my time and my mind though. I shouldn't go to happy hour because I need to do "x" at the house. I don't need to buy those cute shoes because I need to re-grout my tub. I need to stay in this week because I have to pay my electric bill, mortgage, etc. You get the picture.
The job is another encumberment. Again, enjoying the job. (Love is too strong a word for anything I have to get up before 9am on a regular basis for. I do it, not enamoured with the concept.) I find myself working late, bringing work home, dreaming about meetings. It's a little unnerving. I'm not on some huge corporate track. I don't want the climb any ladders or break any glass ceilings (unless I'm with Willy Wonka on a glass elevator. Then, game over.) or race any rats. I just want to do my little job the best I can and make it work with my life. Still the workaholic genes rear their ugly little heads.
My friends are all starting to turn 30. I'm trying to decide if it's a big deal. I have until November to get used to it, so I have started saying it's my age now. I remember when that seemed so far away and so grown up. But now, not so much. There are more people in my life over that age than not.
I think I can come to terms with the responsible part. It's my natural tendency. And you're only as old as you act. So I can get wild and crazy with the best of them - just in moderation. And as long a I make sure I'm in bed by 11pm.
3 comments:
didn't you call me drunk at 1am like 3 days ago? you're not all that! ;)
it's just that i feel it so much more the next day...
I agree with Liz. I have never felt more confident and fun-loving. I think part of it is that I feel more accepting of my "flaws" at 30 than I did in my twenties - even though they are all the same flaws.
You see ladies when you are someone who couldn't hold your drink that much to begin with, you leave yourself room for improvement.
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