Continuing Education

"We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control - no dark sarcasm in the classroom, teacher leave them kids alone" -Pink Floyd

I think I'm getting dumber. By the minute. For some reason Liz and I were talking about IQ tests and Galactic tonight (that was the gifted program in our elementary schools) and I just now decided that I have already hit my peak. It's all downhill from here.

If I were my mother, I would go for an advanced degree. But the thought of working towards an MBA makes me ill. I can't go for a Masters in music because I am no longer in good enough shape vocally or mentally (theory and all of that was hard work for me) and besides that what would I do with it? Teach college? Voice lessons? No, I don't think so.

I am pursuing my Certified Meeting Planner (CMP) designation this year...but mostly because it is more than strongly encouraged at my company. Yet I still feel that I should try and keep sharper than I feel most days. Enter North County Continuing Education classes.

For all those not in the know, Liz and I have ventured into the exciting and surreal world of Adult Ed. in the past. We had a lovely intro to crocheting class with a teacher who told us to call her "Miss Anne." Nancy Reagan's younger sister taught us yoga and the proper way to say shante'. Liz is bettering herself this March with an intro to guitar class. So, I should jump on the bandwagon, no?

Here are some of my favorite offerings in the catalog that magically appeared in my mailbox last month:

- Archaeology of St. Louis: Mysterious Prehistoric Societies. I do love a good mystery. And I would also like to learn what "chert" is exactly. Plus I'd get to meet an ARCHAEOLOGIST!!!

- Crocheting: Beginning. I have slacked in my crochet skills. And Miss Anne is still teaching.

- Electric Slide Plus. A) This is under the category "Dance" and sub-category "Country Western." I think the Electric Slide qualifies for neither. 2) The description says it is "strictly-for-fun." Again, would this qualify? Nay, I think not.

- The Art of Belly Dancing. Nuff said.

- Hairbraiding: Beginning to Advanced. Now I can finally redeem myself for failing "French Braid" in high school!

- Firearm and Home Safety - 4 courses. There is so much here that unnerves me...the words "concealed carry," the refresher/marksmanship skills course, the instruction "DO NOT bring your gun to class."

- Basics of Yeast Breads. This is why they invented St. Louis Bread company - so I can BUY freshly made yeast breads.

- The Mole Hunter: A Seminar on Mole and Pest Solutions with Jeff Holper. The course description on this is classic. An excerpt: "Got Moles? Get Jeff! Jeff Holper, Past President of the Missouri Pest Management Association, is a popular authority on mole and pest management...Bring your questions to our lively seminar." But I do have something digging in my yard. It looks like it's digging down, not up, but maybe Jeff can shed some light (ha! moles! live in the dark!) for me.

- St. Louis and the Transcontinental Airline Passenger Experience: The Good Ole Days. Fabulous. Remind me how screwed we get on flights these days without even a bag of three pretzels to nibble on while sitting next to odiferous strangers for 2-3 hours at a time.

- How to Find and Keep the Perfect Mate. Finally! I'm ready to Unleash My Natural Ability To Attract A Perfect Mate! Then I Will Learn New Ways To Attract My Perfect Mate! And all for $7.50. I wonder if Professor James Welling is single? We could take my $7.50 and go to Arby's.

See kids? I am ready to sharpen the pencil, use my noodle, get that noggin a-workin' for me. Oh, the places I'll go!