"We were surprised when we found out that love feels just like pain...I always heard I could get hurt, I knew that from the start, break my face, my back, my arms, my neck, but please don't break my heart" --K's Choice
I admit it. I am kind of a crier. As a kid, I would cry at sad stories (Disney's "Small One" was a big boo hoo-fest), sad songs (Puff the Magic Dragon always got me – DO NOT laugh!), seeing animals run over on the side of the road, and even touching TV commercials (and who didn’t cry at Kleenex commercials, anyway?)
As I got older, there was maybe a little less crying, but I would still be very empathetic to other people’s pain and loneliness. It always made me sad to see older people eating alone in restaurants for some reason…I have been made fun of for that one frequently.
As an artist, it’s good to be in touch with your emotions. You need to soul search and have a little heartbreak to write good songs – at least the kind that I like the best. Give me a rip-your-heart-out ballad with a bittersweet melody and I am in my element. I’m likely to play it 100 times and learn every word and note until I can sing it by heart. And I might just cry about it, too.
Call me melodramatic, call me a romantic, call me emotional. I’d rather lead with my heart than my head – even if it gets me hurt in the process. There are days when I feel cynical or jaded or just fed up with this life, like anyone. But I want to be like that little girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, who doesn’t build a fortress to keep safe from hurt, who cries when Lassie comes home.
So, go ahead and tell me I’m a crybaby. I’m sensitive. And I’d like to stay that way.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Thursday, March 25, 2004
03.25.04
“I seem to recognize your face, haunting familiar yet I can’t seem to place it; cannot find the candle of thought to light your name…lifetimes are catching up with me” --Pearl Jam
Welcome to 1994, everyone! I will be your official tour guide to Wayback Week.
I don’t know what it is…there is no full moon, I don’t know which planets are aligned with which, but this has been the weirdest week I’ve had in a long time. I have seen or heard from several people that I went to high school with that I normally don’t. Some of it, granted, was by design (had a little get together, or as Liz said “gather together”) but some of it was completely random.
Chaos theory. That must be it. I was watching one of my highly philosophical and intelligent TV shows the other night, Scrubs, (oh, you know you love it, too) and they did a little play on the whole “chaos theory” concept (a butterfly flaps its wings in Toronto or wherever and causes a Tsunami in Japan). Essentially, one small change can start a chain of events that can effect much more drastic change. We’ve all seen it in our lives. So there must be a butterfly somewhere pushing all of this ancient history back into present day.
Maybe subconsciously I’m willing it to happen. I am definitely thinking more about my life 10 years ago now that I am back in St. Louis where that life was. The impending 10 year anniversary of my high school graduation is also a factor. I’m thinking about “glory days” per se (oh, wait, that was college…).
So we’ll see what else surfaces in this little trip down memory lane. I know that getting back in touch with people this far has been fun…so who knows where else it may take me. Time will tell.
Peace.
Welcome to 1994, everyone! I will be your official tour guide to Wayback Week.
I don’t know what it is…there is no full moon, I don’t know which planets are aligned with which, but this has been the weirdest week I’ve had in a long time. I have seen or heard from several people that I went to high school with that I normally don’t. Some of it, granted, was by design (had a little get together, or as Liz said “gather together”) but some of it was completely random.
Chaos theory. That must be it. I was watching one of my highly philosophical and intelligent TV shows the other night, Scrubs, (oh, you know you love it, too) and they did a little play on the whole “chaos theory” concept (a butterfly flaps its wings in Toronto or wherever and causes a Tsunami in Japan). Essentially, one small change can start a chain of events that can effect much more drastic change. We’ve all seen it in our lives. So there must be a butterfly somewhere pushing all of this ancient history back into present day.
Maybe subconsciously I’m willing it to happen. I am definitely thinking more about my life 10 years ago now that I am back in St. Louis where that life was. The impending 10 year anniversary of my high school graduation is also a factor. I’m thinking about “glory days” per se (oh, wait, that was college…).
So we’ll see what else surfaces in this little trip down memory lane. I know that getting back in touch with people this far has been fun…so who knows where else it may take me. Time will tell.
Peace.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
03.24.04
“I took a walk around the block, I bought a candle it was flaming red…I thought a thought then I forgot so I sang the happy song in my head…” --Patty Griffin
A friend and I were talking recently about how I am a “yes” girl – a people pleaser. I don’t know the reason why; it’s just a part of my personality. I have a desire and a need to take care of other people – unfortunately sometimes to the detriment of taking care of me.
Over the past year, I have been making an effort to learn how to make myself happy first. It’s not that being nurturing and caring isn’t important to me…I’m just realizing that if I am physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted I am not going to be able to do anything for anyone else. It’s hard to think about myself first. It feels selfish or egotistical to consider what I need over others. But I am trying to be better about it – it just feels strange.
I have definitely made great strides in the “taking care of me” arena in the past year…it has definitely been a year of growth in many, many ways.
My challenge to you is to do something nice for yourself this week. It could be anything from a new pair of shoes to eating healthy to a bubble bath– but make sure that it benefits you only. I think you will be glad you did.
Take care of you!
P.S. The lyrics up there belong to my current theme song “Flaming Red” by Patty Griffin. If you don’t have this album (of the same name) buy it now….it rocks!
A friend and I were talking recently about how I am a “yes” girl – a people pleaser. I don’t know the reason why; it’s just a part of my personality. I have a desire and a need to take care of other people – unfortunately sometimes to the detriment of taking care of me.
Over the past year, I have been making an effort to learn how to make myself happy first. It’s not that being nurturing and caring isn’t important to me…I’m just realizing that if I am physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted I am not going to be able to do anything for anyone else. It’s hard to think about myself first. It feels selfish or egotistical to consider what I need over others. But I am trying to be better about it – it just feels strange.
I have definitely made great strides in the “taking care of me” arena in the past year…it has definitely been a year of growth in many, many ways.
My challenge to you is to do something nice for yourself this week. It could be anything from a new pair of shoes to eating healthy to a bubble bath– but make sure that it benefits you only. I think you will be glad you did.
Take care of you!
P.S. The lyrics up there belong to my current theme song “Flaming Red” by Patty Griffin. If you don’t have this album (of the same name) buy it now….it rocks!
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
03.02.04
“What do you say when it’s all gone away? Baby I didn’t mean to hurt you…truth spoke in whispers can tear you apart no matter how hard you resist it; it never rains when you want it to…” --Kevin Breit (Norah Jones)
Signs of life are starting to show…March came in yesterday like a lamb, but I have a feeling that the lion is lurking around the corner. I am tentatively hoping that spring is here to stay!
Mom told me the other day that she has a good feeling about this month – like positive things are in store. I’m banking on her feeling, because I am getting a little antsy for my life to start progressing further here. Let’s all have hope that she’s right. I had a job interview yesterday for a job that I really want and am going to “play out” for the first time in St. Louis tomorrow night. Granted, this is only an open mic night, but it is a place to start.
So far, March is looking promising. Other than those little tidbits, life has been pretty normal. Keep me in your thoughts on the job front – I need a routine (and the income) and soon!
Signs of life are starting to show…March came in yesterday like a lamb, but I have a feeling that the lion is lurking around the corner. I am tentatively hoping that spring is here to stay!
Mom told me the other day that she has a good feeling about this month – like positive things are in store. I’m banking on her feeling, because I am getting a little antsy for my life to start progressing further here. Let’s all have hope that she’s right. I had a job interview yesterday for a job that I really want and am going to “play out” for the first time in St. Louis tomorrow night. Granted, this is only an open mic night, but it is a place to start.
So far, March is looking promising. Other than those little tidbits, life has been pretty normal. Keep me in your thoughts on the job front – I need a routine (and the income) and soon!
Thursday, February 12, 2004
02.12.04
“It’s not far, I can walk down the block to Tabletop, close my eyes and make the pies all day - I’m making pies….5 a.m., here I am, walking that block to Tabletop you could cry, you could die, or just make pies all day - I’m making pies” --Patty Griffin
Did anyone else play that game “Concentration” growing up? If you didn’t, the basic gist is this: You have a red board with about 20ish different shaped yellow pieces that fit into their own little notch in the board. You start the game with everything in its place, and then set the board’s timer. The board then shakes everything up – all the pieces get jumbled and you have to put everything back where it belongs before the timer runs out, the board pops up again and the pieces you put back get out of order again.
Sometimes I feel like life is a high-stakes game of Concentration. Once that board shakes everything up, you scramble to get things put back together again. Sometimes you can do it before you get another jolt, sometimes you have to start over from the beginning – repeatedly.
I don’t know if I’m going to get things put together before the next time I have a little shakeup in my life. In all likelihood, I probably won’t. But part of the excitement is trying to get that one little piece in place before time runs out. So maybe I’ll have to regroup again tomorrow…but I figure I’ve gotten this far. It takes a lot to shake me up for too long.
Be good, take care, all that stuff.
P.S. Happy birthday Jen!
Did anyone else play that game “Concentration” growing up? If you didn’t, the basic gist is this: You have a red board with about 20ish different shaped yellow pieces that fit into their own little notch in the board. You start the game with everything in its place, and then set the board’s timer. The board then shakes everything up – all the pieces get jumbled and you have to put everything back where it belongs before the timer runs out, the board pops up again and the pieces you put back get out of order again.
Sometimes I feel like life is a high-stakes game of Concentration. Once that board shakes everything up, you scramble to get things put back together again. Sometimes you can do it before you get another jolt, sometimes you have to start over from the beginning – repeatedly.
I don’t know if I’m going to get things put together before the next time I have a little shakeup in my life. In all likelihood, I probably won’t. But part of the excitement is trying to get that one little piece in place before time runs out. So maybe I’ll have to regroup again tomorrow…but I figure I’ve gotten this far. It takes a lot to shake me up for too long.
Be good, take care, all that stuff.
P.S. Happy birthday Jen!
Monday, February 09, 2004
02.09.04
"Everyone can see we're together as we walk on by, and we flock just like birds of a feather, I won't tell no lie.." --Sister Sledge
I have a really cool family. I spent a good chunk of time with the Beckerle side this weekend because my cousin got married on Saturday, and I had such a great time.
There's something special about people who are related to you by blood- maybe it's because you see yourself in them. I feel so very blessed to not only love my family, but to like them, too. We may not see each other all the time, or we may see each other every day, but time and distance don't seem to matter when we're together.
It's interesting to become one of the "grown-ups" and have a new batch of kids running around. Most of my cousins are married, having babies, all that good stuff. I'm actually one of the few, the proud, the unattached and unencumbered. Mostly, I'm ok with that. Sometimes I am a little impatient for my turn.
Now that I am back in St. Louis where most of both sides of my family are located (with a few exceptions) I am so happy to be able to participate in all of the family functions that I have had to miss over the past several years. Something as simple as running over to my grandparents' house for an hour is more special to me somehow.
I am so thankful for my big, wonderful, loving, sometimes a little loud and crazy family. They are why I am the person I am today. And they tell me that I'm pretty great. I think they are, too. :)
Call your mom, kiss your kid, hug your uncle. Be grateful for the people you call family.
I have a really cool family. I spent a good chunk of time with the Beckerle side this weekend because my cousin got married on Saturday, and I had such a great time.
There's something special about people who are related to you by blood- maybe it's because you see yourself in them. I feel so very blessed to not only love my family, but to like them, too. We may not see each other all the time, or we may see each other every day, but time and distance don't seem to matter when we're together.
It's interesting to become one of the "grown-ups" and have a new batch of kids running around. Most of my cousins are married, having babies, all that good stuff. I'm actually one of the few, the proud, the unattached and unencumbered. Mostly, I'm ok with that. Sometimes I am a little impatient for my turn.
Now that I am back in St. Louis where most of both sides of my family are located (with a few exceptions) I am so happy to be able to participate in all of the family functions that I have had to miss over the past several years. Something as simple as running over to my grandparents' house for an hour is more special to me somehow.
I am so thankful for my big, wonderful, loving, sometimes a little loud and crazy family. They are why I am the person I am today. And they tell me that I'm pretty great. I think they are, too. :)
Call your mom, kiss your kid, hug your uncle. Be grateful for the people you call family.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
02.05.04
“It don't snow here, it stays pretty green, gonna make a lot of money and quit this crazy scene...I wish I had a river to skate away on" --Joni Mitchell
I am wishing for green...I can hardly believe I'm saying this, but I am tired of snow. Five years of living in Nashville complaining about how it didn't snow enough, and it has turned me into a snow-hater. I am officially ready for spring.
This cold weather makes me want to hibernate. I am sick for the third time in less than two months (sorry if you've heard me complain about this already - I am whiny about it today).
Yesterday was a tough day for some reason. I think that I have exhausted myself enough physically for it to affect me emotionally. I was in the valley. But the good news is that I am trudging back up the hill today.
Things are happening slowly, and I am trying to be patient with the process. And we all know that I have an issue with trying to control my life a little too completely. So I am working on the letting go as well.
I had a job interview today, which I mostly went on for interview practice, and they asked the typical "strength and weakness" question. I totally blew the weakness part. Not that I can't think of my own shortcomings, because let's face it, we are all our own worst critics. But most of the things I can think of are not really work-related. And how do you put a positive spin on your weaknesses? I always hate that question, but at least I didn't get a question about what kind of animal I'd like to be or how tall the Eiffel Tower is.
Something to work on, I suppose. Think I could say my greatest weakness is answering the question about what my greatest weakness is? Hmmm...something to ponder.
That's all for now - pray that the Job Fairy leaves me something I can afford to live on under my pillow.
I am wishing for green...I can hardly believe I'm saying this, but I am tired of snow. Five years of living in Nashville complaining about how it didn't snow enough, and it has turned me into a snow-hater. I am officially ready for spring.
This cold weather makes me want to hibernate. I am sick for the third time in less than two months (sorry if you've heard me complain about this already - I am whiny about it today).
Yesterday was a tough day for some reason. I think that I have exhausted myself enough physically for it to affect me emotionally. I was in the valley. But the good news is that I am trudging back up the hill today.
Things are happening slowly, and I am trying to be patient with the process. And we all know that I have an issue with trying to control my life a little too completely. So I am working on the letting go as well.
I had a job interview today, which I mostly went on for interview practice, and they asked the typical "strength and weakness" question. I totally blew the weakness part. Not that I can't think of my own shortcomings, because let's face it, we are all our own worst critics. But most of the things I can think of are not really work-related. And how do you put a positive spin on your weaknesses? I always hate that question, but at least I didn't get a question about what kind of animal I'd like to be or how tall the Eiffel Tower is.
Something to work on, I suppose. Think I could say my greatest weakness is answering the question about what my greatest weakness is? Hmmm...something to ponder.
That's all for now - pray that the Job Fairy leaves me something I can afford to live on under my pillow.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
01.27.04
“So many things we never will undo, I know you’re sorry, well I’m sorry too... Some people will offer you their hand and some won’t, last night I knew you tonight I don’t, I need something strong to distract my mind, I’m gonna look at you ‘till my eyes go blind” --Bob Dylan
I am about 49% shy. I know, it may be hard to believe, but this is a fact about me. I have spent a lot of time in my life cultivating the more extroverted side of my personality, but there is always a big part of me that would much rather be in the corner than in the spotlight.
Probably the only exception to that would be when I am literally in the spotlight – there is something about being a performer that is instinctual to me. I love it, I thrive on it, I can’t get enough of it. And I have been without a platform (albeit my own fault) for way too long.
Part of this whole life change for me is to figure out where this whole performer side of me fits into what I want from my life overall. I’m not sure if I am cut out to live as a “starving artist.” I have much too strong a desire for security. But I am trying not to let being safe get in the way of what I truly desire – as someone once told me “what makes my heart sing.” (Appropriate, no?)
So I am searching for another starting point - a place where I can develop myself as an artist and grow musically. I may need to live my life in a little less “traditional” way for a while until I figure that out. I’m trying to be ok with that. I’m listening for the voice that has never led me astray...and praying that it will whisper a little louder sometime soon.
I wish for you to live the life that makes your heart sing. I hope we get there sooner than later.
I am about 49% shy. I know, it may be hard to believe, but this is a fact about me. I have spent a lot of time in my life cultivating the more extroverted side of my personality, but there is always a big part of me that would much rather be in the corner than in the spotlight.
Probably the only exception to that would be when I am literally in the spotlight – there is something about being a performer that is instinctual to me. I love it, I thrive on it, I can’t get enough of it. And I have been without a platform (albeit my own fault) for way too long.
Part of this whole life change for me is to figure out where this whole performer side of me fits into what I want from my life overall. I’m not sure if I am cut out to live as a “starving artist.” I have much too strong a desire for security. But I am trying not to let being safe get in the way of what I truly desire – as someone once told me “what makes my heart sing.” (Appropriate, no?)
So I am searching for another starting point - a place where I can develop myself as an artist and grow musically. I may need to live my life in a little less “traditional” way for a while until I figure that out. I’m trying to be ok with that. I’m listening for the voice that has never led me astray...and praying that it will whisper a little louder sometime soon.
I wish for you to live the life that makes your heart sing. I hope we get there sooner than later.
Friday, January 23, 2004
01.23.04
“Some things are the way they are and words just can’t explain…I never saw blue like that before, across the sky, around the world…you’re giving me all you have and more, no one else has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now…” --Shawn Colvin
If I’ve learned anything about myself over the past year, I’ve learned that I have a strong desire for a plan, a direction, a road to follow. And, wouldn’t you know it, sometimes life just doesn’t happen that way. Sometimes it just happens.
Things that are important to me, like a husband and a family are not so easily planned. I can’t sit down and say, “Here are the five steps I need to take in order to find that person I want to spend my life with.” How irritating is that?
People are always paying lip service to the notion that the whole relationship issue will be resolved “when you least expect it/aren’t looking/are patient” and so on and so on. So I wait. I know that when it is supposed to happen, it will.
So I don’t obsess about it, don’t worry about it. Go with the flow. Which is totally opposite to my nature – I want CONTROL…but I have to let it go.
Here’s to letting things happen naturally...
If I’ve learned anything about myself over the past year, I’ve learned that I have a strong desire for a plan, a direction, a road to follow. And, wouldn’t you know it, sometimes life just doesn’t happen that way. Sometimes it just happens.
Things that are important to me, like a husband and a family are not so easily planned. I can’t sit down and say, “Here are the five steps I need to take in order to find that person I want to spend my life with.” How irritating is that?
People are always paying lip service to the notion that the whole relationship issue will be resolved “when you least expect it/aren’t looking/are patient” and so on and so on. So I wait. I know that when it is supposed to happen, it will.
So I don’t obsess about it, don’t worry about it. Go with the flow. Which is totally opposite to my nature – I want CONTROL…but I have to let it go.
Here’s to letting things happen naturally...
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
01.21.04
“And now you want to ask me how…it’s like ‘How does your heart beat and why do you breathe?’ – and now you want to ask me why…it’s like ‘How does your heart beat and why do you cry?’” --Lisa Loeb
So…now what? I’m not used to having down time like this, so every once in a while I get this feeling like I am forgetting something important or not doing what I should be. Realistically, this may be accurate. I tend to do better when I have too much to do – I stay more focused and somehow get it all done.
Having less to do is a little weird for me. It’s kind of nice, but weird all the same. I don’t want to give the impression that I am sitting around eating bon-bons all day or anything like that. I think that my family and friends here could actually keep me occupied most of the time with little trouble (who needs a job?).
I’m a perpetual list-maker, so I have several “To Do” lists going at once. I have a daily ritual of looking at job listings and responding to interesting possibilities. If there were a listing for professional e-mail checker, I would be a shoe-in. Somehow I think that those things won’t really pay the bills.
I’m trying to lay low in some areas…it would be easy to over-commit now only to realize that once I do get a job I won’t have as much time to dedicate to “extras.” So, it’s little things for now, and sometimes I get the “Hmmm…now what?” dialogue going on in my head. I’m ok with it for a little while longer – but pretty soon I need to get back to my harried, busy, over-involved little self. Maybe then I will feel a bit more normal.
But until then, I may have more of these little ramblings for you all to read! Keep on keepin’ on...
So…now what? I’m not used to having down time like this, so every once in a while I get this feeling like I am forgetting something important or not doing what I should be. Realistically, this may be accurate. I tend to do better when I have too much to do – I stay more focused and somehow get it all done.
Having less to do is a little weird for me. It’s kind of nice, but weird all the same. I don’t want to give the impression that I am sitting around eating bon-bons all day or anything like that. I think that my family and friends here could actually keep me occupied most of the time with little trouble (who needs a job?).
I’m a perpetual list-maker, so I have several “To Do” lists going at once. I have a daily ritual of looking at job listings and responding to interesting possibilities. If there were a listing for professional e-mail checker, I would be a shoe-in. Somehow I think that those things won’t really pay the bills.
I’m trying to lay low in some areas…it would be easy to over-commit now only to realize that once I do get a job I won’t have as much time to dedicate to “extras.” So, it’s little things for now, and sometimes I get the “Hmmm…now what?” dialogue going on in my head. I’m ok with it for a little while longer – but pretty soon I need to get back to my harried, busy, over-involved little self. Maybe then I will feel a bit more normal.
But until then, I may have more of these little ramblings for you all to read! Keep on keepin’ on...
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
01.20.04
“I just have this secret hope, sometimes all we do is call…somewhere on the steepest slope there’s an endless rope, and nobody’s crying” --Patty Griffin
Another week has begun in St. Louis…I was informed this weekend that some people expect this site to be updated, so I’d better get cracking on journal entries so as not to disappoint (this one’s for you, Jaime! :) )
I am feeling a bit yuppie-esque today. After being in the house all day, I needed to get out and to get up north before traffic becomes even more horrible than normal, so I am sitting in St. Louis Bread Company, sipping a caramel latte (nonfat, no whip, of course) and typing on a borrowed laptop. How trendy am I? If only I was at a Starbucks and this was somewhere a little hipper than North County…
I am a thinker. I think and I think and I over-analyze and beat things to death in my head. It’s what I do. But when it comes down to it, after all of that mental sparring is done, I tend to go with my gut. How something makes me feel can make or break a situation for me. Case in point: I decided to take a short trip to Nashville this weekend. (For those of you who I saw – it was lovely; for those I missed – I apologize. I’ll have to catch you the next time.)
One of the things I noticed as I was driving into the city was the way it made me feel. I remember that day over 5 years ago when I moved there. It was sunny and bright, the city was spread out over the curve in I-65 ripe with promise and expectation and the Bell-South “Bat Building” waving hello. It felt right for me to be there, even though I wasn’t sure of the path things would take.
Driving in this weekend, I kind of wondered how I would feel, almost a month after making a huge change in my life and moving back to St. Louis. Would I feel regret? Sadness? Like I made a mistake? As I made that I-65 loop again, I felt none of those things. I was happy that I would be seeing people that mean so much to me. I knew that good times were to be had (and they were…). And I was completely at peace with my decision to leave when I did.
I don’t know what’s in store for me here in St. Louis. But I am utterly convinced that as difficult as it was to make that choice, it was the right thing. I realize that the plan set for me is greater than I could ever devise on my own. This step of faith is not unlike my decision to move to Nashville in the first place – and I don’t regret a minute of my time there. Music City, USA and the people who I love there will always have a special place in my heart.
Until next time.
Another week has begun in St. Louis…I was informed this weekend that some people expect this site to be updated, so I’d better get cracking on journal entries so as not to disappoint (this one’s for you, Jaime! :) )
I am feeling a bit yuppie-esque today. After being in the house all day, I needed to get out and to get up north before traffic becomes even more horrible than normal, so I am sitting in St. Louis Bread Company, sipping a caramel latte (nonfat, no whip, of course) and typing on a borrowed laptop. How trendy am I? If only I was at a Starbucks and this was somewhere a little hipper than North County…
I am a thinker. I think and I think and I over-analyze and beat things to death in my head. It’s what I do. But when it comes down to it, after all of that mental sparring is done, I tend to go with my gut. How something makes me feel can make or break a situation for me. Case in point: I decided to take a short trip to Nashville this weekend. (For those of you who I saw – it was lovely; for those I missed – I apologize. I’ll have to catch you the next time.)
One of the things I noticed as I was driving into the city was the way it made me feel. I remember that day over 5 years ago when I moved there. It was sunny and bright, the city was spread out over the curve in I-65 ripe with promise and expectation and the Bell-South “Bat Building” waving hello. It felt right for me to be there, even though I wasn’t sure of the path things would take.
Driving in this weekend, I kind of wondered how I would feel, almost a month after making a huge change in my life and moving back to St. Louis. Would I feel regret? Sadness? Like I made a mistake? As I made that I-65 loop again, I felt none of those things. I was happy that I would be seeing people that mean so much to me. I knew that good times were to be had (and they were…). And I was completely at peace with my decision to leave when I did.
I don’t know what’s in store for me here in St. Louis. But I am utterly convinced that as difficult as it was to make that choice, it was the right thing. I realize that the plan set for me is greater than I could ever devise on my own. This step of faith is not unlike my decision to move to Nashville in the first place – and I don’t regret a minute of my time there. Music City, USA and the people who I love there will always have a special place in my heart.
Until next time.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
01.15.04
"When you're soaring through the air, I'll be your solid ground...Take every chance you dare, I'll still be there when you come back down" --Nickel Creek
Wow. It seems like ages since I have journaled on here. Most of you who know me understand why - December was an insane month! So let's get to the updates.
If you're reading this, you know that the CD is COMPLETE! And not only complete, but sitting in boxes in my closet waiting for all of you to get your copies! As usual, when you say something like "it will be ready...barring any issues" there are always issues. But the good thing is that it is done, I'm happy with it, and you can start ordering away!
The other huge news in my life is that I after 5 years in Nashville, I have moved back to St. Louis. This is something that I knew I would do, it was always just a matter of time. So, I packed up my life, was a transient for a while (thanks Mike & Rob), and moved back in with my parents (gasp!) on December 20th.
I love being home, it feels right. I am still looking for a job, but the right one will come along. I haven't started playing out in St. Louis yet, but it is definitely on my short list of goals for the next month or so. I'll be finding a place of my own (hopefully sooner than later) but am grateful for the support of my family right now. All of that change that happened over the past several months was laying the groundwork for this big change. I see that now. It was hard to walk through, but I have such high hopes for this next chapter of my life.
2004 will be a good year. I can feel it in my bones.
Wow. It seems like ages since I have journaled on here. Most of you who know me understand why - December was an insane month! So let's get to the updates.
If you're reading this, you know that the CD is COMPLETE! And not only complete, but sitting in boxes in my closet waiting for all of you to get your copies! As usual, when you say something like "it will be ready...barring any issues" there are always issues. But the good thing is that it is done, I'm happy with it, and you can start ordering away!
The other huge news in my life is that I after 5 years in Nashville, I have moved back to St. Louis. This is something that I knew I would do, it was always just a matter of time. So, I packed up my life, was a transient for a while (thanks Mike & Rob), and moved back in with my parents (gasp!) on December 20th.
I love being home, it feels right. I am still looking for a job, but the right one will come along. I haven't started playing out in St. Louis yet, but it is definitely on my short list of goals for the next month or so. I'll be finding a place of my own (hopefully sooner than later) but am grateful for the support of my family right now. All of that change that happened over the past several months was laying the groundwork for this big change. I see that now. It was hard to walk through, but I have such high hopes for this next chapter of my life.
2004 will be a good year. I can feel it in my bones.
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