02.12.04

“It’s not far, I can walk down the block to Tabletop, close my eyes and make the pies all day - I’m making pies….5 a.m., here I am, walking that block to Tabletop you could cry, you could die, or just make pies all day - I’m making pies” --Patty Griffin

Did anyone else play that game “Concentration” growing up? If you didn’t, the basic gist is this: You have a red board with about 20ish different shaped yellow pieces that fit into their own little notch in the board. You start the game with everything in its place, and then set the board’s timer. The board then shakes everything up – all the pieces get jumbled and you have to put everything back where it belongs before the timer runs out, the board pops up again and the pieces you put back get out of order again.

Sometimes I feel like life is a high-stakes game of Concentration. Once that board shakes everything up, you scramble to get things put back together again. Sometimes you can do it before you get another jolt, sometimes you have to start over from the beginning – repeatedly.

I don’t know if I’m going to get things put together before the next time I have a little shakeup in my life. In all likelihood, I probably won’t. But part of the excitement is trying to get that one little piece in place before time runs out. So maybe I’ll have to regroup again tomorrow…but I figure I’ve gotten this far. It takes a lot to shake me up for too long.

Be good, take care, all that stuff.

P.S. Happy birthday Jen!

02.09.04

"Everyone can see we're together as we walk on by, and we flock just like birds of a feather, I won't tell no lie.." --Sister Sledge

I have a really cool family. I spent a good chunk of time with the Beckerle side this weekend because my cousin got married on Saturday, and I had such a great time.

There's something special about people who are related to you by blood- maybe it's because you see yourself in them. I feel so very blessed to not only love my family, but to like them, too. We may not see each other all the time, or we may see each other every day, but time and distance don't seem to matter when we're together.

It's interesting to become one of the "grown-ups" and have a new batch of kids running around. Most of my cousins are married, having babies, all that good stuff. I'm actually one of the few, the proud, the unattached and unencumbered. Mostly, I'm ok with that. Sometimes I am a little impatient for my turn.

Now that I am back in St. Louis where most of both sides of my family are located (with a few exceptions) I am so happy to be able to participate in all of the family functions that I have had to miss over the past several years. Something as simple as running over to my grandparents' house for an hour is more special to me somehow.

I am so thankful for my big, wonderful, loving, sometimes a little loud and crazy family. They are why I am the person I am today. And they tell me that I'm pretty great. I think they are, too. :)

Call your mom, kiss your kid, hug your uncle. Be grateful for the people you call family.

02.05.04

“It don't snow here, it stays pretty green, gonna make a lot of money and quit this crazy scene...I wish I had a river to skate away on" --Joni Mitchell

I am wishing for green...I can hardly believe I'm saying this, but I am tired of snow. Five years of living in Nashville complaining about how it didn't snow enough, and it has turned me into a snow-hater. I am officially ready for spring.

This cold weather makes me want to hibernate. I am sick for the third time in less than two months (sorry if you've heard me complain about this already - I am whiny about it today).

Yesterday was a tough day for some reason. I think that I have exhausted myself enough physically for it to affect me emotionally. I was in the valley. But the good news is that I am trudging back up the hill today.

Things are happening slowly, and I am trying to be patient with the process. And we all know that I have an issue with trying to control my life a little too completely. So I am working on the letting go as well.

I had a job interview today, which I mostly went on for interview practice, and they asked the typical "strength and weakness" question. I totally blew the weakness part. Not that I can't think of my own shortcomings, because let's face it, we are all our own worst critics. But most of the things I can think of are not really work-related. And how do you put a positive spin on your weaknesses? I always hate that question, but at least I didn't get a question about what kind of animal I'd like to be or how tall the Eiffel Tower is.

Something to work on, I suppose. Think I could say my greatest weakness is answering the question about what my greatest weakness is? Hmmm...something to ponder.

That's all for now - pray that the Job Fairy leaves me something I can afford to live on under my pillow.